This is a bit of a tough topic but it’s one that I am okay to talk about. Well today I am, tomorrow could be different but that is a topic for another day.
My husband and I have 3 children, all girls, ages 12, 7, and 3. The age gap of our children has brought some interesting comments my way. The biggest one being “Why?!” Others such as “They would be closer to each other if they were close in age!”, “I just did it all at once!” (the Mom with 4 kids under 5). One of the best, more positive comments I received was a women whose children were like a year apart, “Oh, I wish we had of spread our children out a little more!”
Here’s the thing, Who Cares?!? Why does it matter to you how close or far apart in age my children are? Why are judging me for that? Seriously?!?! Because all you know is what you see and what you see is only part of the story, a very small part.
What you don’t see is the joy that surrounds these three little girls, the heartache, the fears, the stress/anxieties that was involved in the pregnancies of these girls, the miracles they truly are. You don’t see the reasons why they are 5 years/ 4 years apart, but I do. My husband does. Their Grandparents do. But yet you judge?
If I said I was pregnant 8 times , yes 8 times but I have 3 babies. Then could you understand. Could you understand the pain that it causes when someone says “Why are your children so far apart?”.
Imagine your excitement when you find out you are pregnant and you tell the world, only to have to tell them in 6 weeks that you are no longer pregnant. Can you feel the pain in the sentence? It is unimaginable. Imagine having to tell the excited older sister that her baby sister died. (I have drawings/writings from her Grade 1 journal about it). When they roll you into the OR to help your body “get rid” of it, and the complications that can follow that. The pain emotional and physical is raw, it hurts. Then the net time you get pregnant you are on pins and needles for weeks/months, just waiting and waiting. Of course, when you hit the second trimester you relax a little, but you are never completely okay until you have that baby alive in your arms. But you still aren’t okay, always thinking about the what ifs and what could have been’s. But you have to push them out of your mind, sometimes it hard. You know people and you were all pregnant at the same time but your baby didn’t make it, in your mind you wonder what would that baby have been like now. But you have to not think about it, you have to push it away.
There are women who have had worse experiences, far worse and women who have had less experiences.
So yes, My children are 12, 7, and 3, there is an age gap. But guess what, I have 3 children and they are 12, 7, and 3. Next time you need to judge someones decisions/life, stop and think. Does it really matter?!